


When Nothing Else Could Save Me

by FarFromSummer



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Post-Battle of Starkiller Base, Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-14
Updated: 2017-02-14
Packaged: 2018-09-22 14:26:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9611408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FarFromSummer/pseuds/FarFromSummer
Summary: With Starkiller gone and his future uncertain, Hux is thankful to have Mitaka.





	

There was no point in denying it, Hux _needed_ to see him.

High Command had wasted no time in demanding they meet with him after Starkiller’s destruction; and as much as he’d dreaded facing their accusatory stares, there would be nothing to gain from stalling under the pretense of dealing with the aftermath. And so, once there was nothing else for him to do, he’d entrusted the ship to his second-in-command and went to greet the Admiral. The meeting had drained him of what little energy he could muster these days and he felt himself yearn for the comforting presence of his Lieutenant. 

Hux made the short walk to Mitaka’s room. While he requested entry, disjointed thoughts too large to be confined to his head spilled out in hushed murmurs instead.

“He’ll understand...won’t think I’m useless...”

“Sir.” Mitaka stood at attention. To a passerby, his stance would have relayed the usual deference afforded to a superior officer. This close, however, there was no mistaking the younger man’s anxiousness as his gaze flicked to either end of the corridor.

“At ease, Lieutenant. If I may?” He motioned to the room.

It wasn’t until they were across the threshold of the bedroom that Mitaka’s shoulders lowered. It had grown to become second nature for them: cursory glances to their surroundings when they were in public, overcompensating in the space kept between them as they walked together. The secrecy was exhausting, although a fair price to pay for the precious moments they shared in the quiet of the night cycle.

“How did the meeting with the Admiral go?” the Lieutenant’s voice was curious, though not enough to mask the undercurrent of nervousness. As convincing as he was at hiding it, Mitaka worried easily, and Hux regretted not coming back with more substantial news.

When the silence shifted from less-than-comfortable to all-too-telling, Mitaka gripped his bicep and walked him over to the small bed inhabiting the corner of the modest bedroom. There, Hux let himself be pulled down next to him.

Hux lay his head in the younger man’s lap, sighing contentedly as Mitaka threaded his fingers through the copper strands, displacing them from the hold of the gel. He lay there and let his frantic thoughts settle, his mind neglecting them in favour of fixating on the drag of Mitaka’s fingers against his scalp. When he finally spoke, it was with some semblance of calm.

“High Command is taking their time with the decision making process. I can't say for certain what this means, but the Admiral, at least, is optimistic about my chances.”

He’d intended to leave it at that, but with Mitaka’s reassuring presence, Hux soon found himself voicing the concerns that had been plaguing him since being summoned. The Lieutenant was an attentive listener who rarely felt the need to fill the silence. His quiet disposition had perturbed Hux before, but he soon came to appreciate the balance it brought to his own talkative nature.

Meanwhile, Mitaka’s fingers had travelled to the back of his head, massaging the tension away with a light touch. As hard as the disaster had shaken him, it hadn’t been easy for Hux to accept the younger man’s tenderness at first. Not for the first time, he was reminded of how lucky he was to have his Lieutenant. The warmth soon gave way to a flash of possessiveness that was tinged with a peculiar sense of loss.

It disturbed him more than he liked to admit: the feeling that Mitaka was somehow lost to him despite being right there. It had been almost imperceptible at first, floating amongst the various fears and anxieties that had staked their claim on his psyche after Starkiller. But soon enough, it rose to the top and made itself known, unrelenting in its demands to be noticed.

His mind had concocted an inordinate number of scenarios that began in as many ways, only to end with the singular occurrence of Mitaka leaving without so much as an explanation. Unable to go to Mitaka himself with these worries, Hux had clung to a confession made by the younger man when a cocktail of brandy and certain victory achieved what years of fraternising could not.

That night, while they celebrated the destruction of the Hosnian System, doe eyes had twinkled at him with the promise of a secret too bold for normal circumstances. The half-slurred words had slipped right through Mitaka's grin.

_"After the war? Well, you must have guessed that I’ve always hoped for something more. And if there’s nothing left to stop you, who’s to say we can’t pursue something that’s...official?”_

_Something official._

The thought warmed and broke his heart simultaneously. They’d come so close. And now, with his fate unclear, Hux wanted nothing more than to have some reassurance that he'd get another chance to fulfil this wish.

With an irritation that bordered on petulance, his blamed the Resistance, as well as the Order, for delaying him. The truth was that love had made him selfish. It had led him to disregard the practices put in place by High Command to protect them. It had served to make him despise the regulations which were as much a part of him as the blood in his veins.

And now, in his selfishness, he was willing to risk what little they had left for an act borne out of recklessness. He shook his head of the building worries, convincing himself that if his position was as precarious as he thought, then he could be happy knowing he’d at least done this.

More than anything else, it was the loving warmth he found in Mitaka's eyes that told him his decision was only right.

“Dopheld, I think we should get away for a while. It'll be some time before I get a definite answer and I think the distraction will do us both some good”

* * *

A cool breeze whistled through the open field. In the small, empty clearing, Mitaka sat against a rock, watching the long grass bend and sway while the sun began its descent into the horizon. The setting would be complete in its tranquility, if it weren’t for the nervousness of the man beside him. Hux kept his gaze fixed on the horizon. The longer strands of his hair were free to be flow in the wind. Although they hid his features from him, Mitaka caught the occasional glimpse of pressed lips and furrowed brows.

When the initial excitement of stealing away to Lothal had worn off, Mitaka found himself truly relaxing. The change of scenery and the calm that came with it were more than welcome after the stresses of dealing with Starkiller’s destruction. It was why he had agreed to Hux’s plan in the first place. He’d hoped that the older man would find some comfort in being away from his duties, but this excursion had only made him even more distracted and closed-off than usual.

“We should head back to the shuttle now.” Unused to being planetside, he didn’t want to be outdoors after it got dark. Mitaka stood up, brushing the dirt off his trousers before he made his way over to the speeder parked a short distance away.

“Dopheld, wait.” Hux’s hand reached out and clutched his wrist before he could get on. Mitaka leaned back on the speeder, taken aback by the redhead’s distraught tone. When he searched Hux’s face for an explanation for his odd behaviour, the General’s gaze only dropped to the ground between them.

“I had a few words planned. From before. But it hardly seems appropriate now. No, too impersonal.” Hux mumbled the words to himself. Over time, Mitaka had come to recognise this quirk as a byproduct of his constant strategising. It had worsened after Starkiller, with Hux often sitting upright in bed in the dead of the night, muttering battle plans to himself while sleep evaded him.

Mitaka reached for his hand and traced his thumb over the jutting bones to coax the taller man back to the present. When Hux's eyes met his, he was relieved to see some clarity in them.

“Dopheld, do you remember when we talked about what would happen after we won the war, and you expressed your interest in...a union with me?”

Mitaka gaped, a flush creeping from his cheeks to the tips of his ears. It was now his turn to look away as he drew his hands back to his sides.

It had been a lifetime ago. It seemed right to make his confession then, as drunk as they were from both the success of the superweapon and the drinks they shared in Hux’s quarters afterwards. Until now, Mitaka wasn’t even certain whether Hux remembered.

“Yes?” he ventured. Hux took his palms between his hands. When he finally braved the General's piercing gaze, he saw in it an inkling of the steadfast determination that had been present before the disaster.

“Well, you see, I don’t want to wait that long,” Hux sighed. The grip on Mitaka’s hands tightened. “Things will change, Dopheld, either now or further along. Either way, I’m not sure that ‘after the war’ will always to be an option for us.”

After a shaky start, Hux’s speech gradually built momentum. His conviction grew with each word that fell from his lips. It now approached a frantic pace.

“I’ve made arrangements on a small planet called Ambria in the Inner Rim. It’s neutral territory with no ties to either the Order or the Resistance. We could depart in a week if you put in your request for leave now.”

The words spilled from his mouth. Desperate and close to pleading, Mitaka struggled to recognise him for a moment.

“We’ll only have three days, and the ceremony will have to be small. No more witnesses than the required number to make it official. We’ll have to keep up appearances back on the Finalizer, but this contract is binding in both First Order and Republic space.”

“I know you deserve so much more than this. And as much as I want to give you a lavish ceremony in the Core, I can’t stand to wait for an intangible victory that I might never get to see. If we’re going to win this war at all, I want to do it with my husband by my side.”

Even if Mitaka could have found the words that expressed what he felt at that moment, there was no way his mouth could have made the sounds necessary to speak them aloud. Hux dropped to one knee in front of him amidst whispers of ‘ _had this made_ ’ and ‘ _wanted to do this right_ ’. When the redhead fished a ring from his pocket, Mitaka was glad for the support of the speeder keeping him upright. This thought was quickly shelved away in favour of admiring the simple gold band. It was beautiful- he could already imagine searching for its faint outline underneath his gloves while he was on duty.  

“Dopheld Mitaka, you make me happier than I have any right to be,” Hux smiled up at him. His voice resembled the sonorous lilt he usually reserved for speeches.

“I never thought that I would love anyone as much I love you. I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve someone so incredible, but nothing would bring me more joy than to spend the rest of my life showing you the happiness you deserve. One day I hope to give you the entire galaxy but until then, I can only offer my devotion. Dopheld, will you marry me?"

Amidst the tears and the overwhelming joy, he must have said yes, because the next moment, Hux slipped the ring onto his finger, laughing under his breath when it stuck for a moment.

Later, he would have to keep it hidden underneath his gloves, or hanging alongside his dog tags. Elopement was a severe crime and it carried a harsh sentence. The fact that both their careers relied on their secrecy was not lost on Mitaka. It was likely that after their visit to Ambria, he might never see the ring catch the sunlight again.

He wanted to tell Hux that it was okay. That he would have followed him past the Unknown Regions if it meant having this. Most of all, he wanted to tell him that Armitage Hux was more than just his failures. He was a man who deserved every happiness Mitaka could give him. A man he would be proud to call his husband, even if it was only ever between the two of them.

And he would tell him, once the words he needed could be dredged up through the overpowering bliss shrouding his mind. For now, he was content to simply marvel at the gold band, committing every detail to memory as it shone in the light of the setting sun.

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Valentine's Day and thank you for reading <3


End file.
